The Islamic Guide to Feeding the Soul and Strengthening the Nafs

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She’s Your Fitrah — Week 3

Week 1 — we asked big duas, making sure they aligned with our akhirah.
Week 2 — we talked about who we need to be to step into them.
This week, we’re starting with commitment.

You may already be committed, but this commitment needs to come with a profound realization:
we, as Muslims, are in a position of privilege.

We have Allah ﷻ, the Qur’an, the Prophet ﷺ, the Sunnah, duas, tawheed, salah, sadaqah, Ramadan, tahajjud…
We literally have it all.

We have more resources than anyone on earth.

We’ve been chosen to worship and submit.

So will you submit willingly or unwillingly?

If you too said willingly, then:

Allah ﷻ loves when we accept His gifts.

Which means we can’t accept being mid. We can’t be satisfied with being the bare minimum.
Think about it… the more you stay the same, the more you want to change.
So don’t hesitate.

A primary point of this challenge is that we don’t get comfortable with mediocrity or settle for the scraps the dunya offers us.

We’re called to excellence and encouraged to strive, because as humans, we’ve been given great intellect and ability and it only increases through use, bi’idhnillah.
And with Islam, we have a major advantage: truth. This truth has been entrusted to us to share with the world. As Muslims, we’re called to expect abundance because we know The Lord of the Worlds and His beautiful names more than anyone else. (We’ll get into this more next week, in sha Allah).

Islam is a gift that we accept with humility, shukr, and quality ibadah.

This life is a buffet. So imagine Allah ﷻ has given you a plate. A plate to fill with whatever you want.

Every desire, every distraction, every act of worship is all laid out for you to choose from. You can take as much as you want, as often as you like.

But here’s the catch:
What you put on your plate directly feeds your nafs.

So the question is: which nafs are you feeding?

Are you feeding the nafs al-ammarah — your lowest self — the one that commands evil, is driven by impulse and desire, and resists challenge, change, and uncertainty?

Or are you feeding the nafs al-mutma’inna — your highest self — the one content with Allah ﷻ and His decree, disciplined in righteousness, and driven by what pleases Him?

If you want to starve your lower self, you have to feed your higher self.
And when you slip and overfeed the lower self, you then repent and reflect with your nafs al-lawwamah — the self that holds you accountable.

Ask yourself:

• What’s on my plate that needs to be removed?

• And what can I replace it with to strengthen my nafs al-mutma’inna?

The more you exercise your higher self, the stronger it becomes.
The more you nourish it with good deeds and righteous influences, the healthier it will be until overpowering your lower self isn’t a constant struggle anymore, but your natural state.

So… what’s on your plate?

Starving Your Lower Self

Starving your nafs means removing blameworthy traits from your identity.

It requires:

1. Rectifying your affairs — giving everyone their due rights with fairness and truth.

2. Detoxifying — stepping away from haram, sins, and negative influences.

3. Detachment — decluttering your physical, mental, and digital spaces, removing emotional influences, and detaching from past mistakes and trauma.

4. Simplifying — your routines, habits, and systems; identifying points of friction.

It’s uncomfortable and it can be draining if you’re constantly being tested through people.
That’s where emotional regulation comes in.

When you’re tired or dysregulated, you have to pull yourself back to baseline as quickly as you can, otherwise you’ll default to old patterns.

If you struggle with letting go of the past or want to learn more about detoxing from the dunya, read these other articles from the blog:

• “How to Heal with Islam: Step by Step”

• “How to Let Go of Pain”

• “Your Trauma Is Blocking Your Connection to Allah”

• “Reorienting Our Solar System”

What’s Your Baseline?

Your baseline is your resting state: how you are when you’re feeling calm.
Neither upset nor overly happy — just being.

When something happens that throws you out of that state of restful being, how long does it take you to get back to it?

Having emotions is never the issue.
Letting them control you, your actions, or how you treat others is.

Your goal is to be slower to move out of that resting place and quicker to return to it.

Through observing and releasing emotions, you allow them to come and go. Watching them move through your body without judgment.

I personally use breathwork and direct conversation with Allah ﷻ as my form of regulation.
Some listen to Qur’an or do tasbih, it’s totally up to you. But whatever you do, you must include Allah ﷻ in the process. That’s how taqwa strengthens quickly.
(I wrote a post about how I replaced journaling with talking to Allah ﷻ here.)

Feeding Your Higher Self

Feeding your higher self requires:

1. Presence — being in the now and being aware of His presence in the now with you.

2. Knowledge — of what pleases Allah ﷻ, His commands, His rights, and the character traits He loves. Knowledge of the rights others have over you as well as your rights over them. Knowledge of the hereafter and how to strive for it, etc.

3. Istighfar and tawbah — especially in a state of regret.

4. Dhikr — reading, reflecting on, listening to, reciting, and studying the Qur’an.

5. Kindness — being merciful and compassionate with yourself. Each day is new. A rough morning doesn’t have to be a rough day. A bad day doesn’t have to be a bad week. Choose to have a good day on purpose.

6. Alignment with your fitrah — Think about how her day flows. It’s often more about what you stop doing than what you start doing. Remove what doesn’t serve and increase what energizes you. Eliminate as many on the spot decisions as possible. (I plan my days at night so that the next day I don’t have to think about it. I just go straight into the day with a flexible plan already in place.)

7. Gratitude — track your progress and use your current blessings well. Are you taking proper care of them? How are you showing Allah ﷻ that you’re grateful for your life as it is today?

Think of it this way. You have a pantry.
Inside are your ingredients: blessings, skills, resources, and talents — things that may not seem to go together.
But still, you must figure out what “meals” you can make using what you already have and whatever you acquire along the way.

What unusual and creative meals can you make from what’s currently in your pantry?

When you use what you’ve already been given, you show Allah ﷻ that you’re truly grateful and that you’re preparing yourself for your duas to be accepted.

Next week, in sha Allah, we’ll talk about aligning with Allah’s promises with yaqeen and cultivating a privileged and abundant mindset with radical tawakkul.

Enjoy your week, assalamu alaikum.

With love and dua,

—Khalisa

Your dream self isn’t a fairytale. She’s your fitrah.

Learn more about my private coaching program here.