﷽

You wear your heart on your sleeve, your emotions show on your face, and your struggles are written in your body language. Because of this, you’ve become an easy target for shaytan. He manipulates your pain, trauma, emotions, and fears to pull you away from your purpose. You’ve been hurting, fighting, and running for so long that you’ve forgotten who you’re truly running from.

By the way… it’s not shaytan. It’s you.

Shaytan is right beside you, urging you to run faster and farther from who you really are and from your Lord.

Now, if you had to write down what you truly want for yourself—both in this life and the next—you’d choose only good things: peace, love, success, Jannah, and the love of Allah _{‎سبحانه وتعالى}. Even though you know hardship brings you closer to Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى}, let’s be real: you’re not volunteering for more pain. You don’t wake up saying, “I really hope for more heartbreak or anxiety in my life.” You’ve been through a lot, and you’d prefer to avoid more. We all do.

Shaytan knows this; he’s been leading people astray since Adam (AS). He uses your fear and avoidance of more pain to appeal to your nafs al-ammara because that nafs craves comfort, pleasure, and the quickest escape from pain. But your nafs al-mutma’inna craves the pleasure of Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى}, no matter the cost. This nafs knows that you can’t go around the dunya to get to Jannah—you have to go through it.

Shaytan knows your pain because he’s observant, and just as you have angels with you, you have a personal jinn who’s aware of the trials you've endured.

So how do you stop shaytan from manipulating your emotions and fears?

1. Find the TRUE Lesson

Think of a painful experience that still affects you, shaping how you think, speak, or treat others. Then, ask yourself:

“What did shaytan want me to learn from this experience?”

For instance, if you’ve gone through a divorce, shaytan and society might want you to believe:

• Love and marriage are a joke.

• You won’t find love again, or you’re unworthy of it.

• Marriage isn’t for you.

• Marriage changes people.

• Marriage restricts individuality and freedom.

• Marriage is old school and outdated.

Then ask yourself the real question:

“What did Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} want me to learn from this experience?”

Looking at the divorce example again—Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} may have wanted you to learn that:

• Marriage is a sacred union that can only succeed with Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} at its core.

• What is truly for you is on its way, whether in this life or the next.

• Marriage is for those who wish to serve and support one another; many aspects of marriage are acts of sadaqah.

• Marriage is meant to refine and transform us in beneficial ways.

• Both spouses have rights and roles, designed to support and complement one another, not to erase individuality.

• Islam is timeless, and its guidance on marriage is enduring.

If you’ve faced a traumatic experience that you struggle to find the lesson behind, it might simply be:

• This dunya doesn’t love you as you love it.

• This dunya isn’t attached to you as you are to it.

• This dunya doesn’t know or desire what’s best for you.

• The dunya will never give you what Allah _{‎سبحانه وتعالى} can.

Let hardship remind you that the dunya is just a tool to get to Jannah. Instead of clinging to pain, use it to get closer to Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى}.

2. Don’t Get Stuck in The Why’s

This is very common with non-Muslims or even Muslims whose iman is struggling severely.

Questions like:

• “Where is God?”

• “Why is this happening?”

• “Why would He allow such horrible things to happen?”

• “Why me?”

• “What did I do to deserve ___?”

These are traps Shaytan uses to plant doubt.

But as Muslims, we know the purpose of creation, the role of hardship, and why suffering exists—it’s all part of the test. Our duty isn’t to question Allah’s _ﷻ Will but to trust Him and seek wisdom in our trials.

Instead of dwelling on why every calamity happens, focus on learning from your mistakes and experiences to course-correct. Sometimes, the reasons behind our hardships are revealed over time, and sometimes they remain hidden. Either way, remember: this is Allah’s _ﷻ world, and we live within His Divine Plan, which is far beyond our understanding.

Learn to take this life seriously but not personally; it’s temporary, after all.

3. Stop The Spiral

If your thoughts darken and emotions become heavy, acknowledge that shaytan may be whispering to derail your progress or sever your connection with Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} and Islam. If something painful lingers, ask yourself:

• “Who does this serve?”

• “How does holding onto this pain, emotion, or fear serve Allah _{‎سبحانه وتعالى}, myself, my family, or the Ummah?”

More often than not, holding onto past pain only harms you and those around you. If it doesn’t serve Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى}, it’s time to let it go. Find the real lesson, accept it, and remember that whatever happened has already happened and that nothing can change because there’s nothing to change. Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} is the best of planners, so trust Him and see how it all unfolds.

In those moments, remember Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} frequently. Seek refuge with Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} from shaytan and his whispers and distractions. Follow up every negative thought with a beautiful one of our Lord, continuously until the thoughts and feelings subside.

If it’s a recent mistake and you’re still dealing with its consequences, it’s okay to feel disappointed for a short time, but then you must move forward. Prolonged self-blame can become a habit that leads to berating yourself and thinking negatively. These thoughts lead to ingratitude. Instead, learn from the experience, continually repent, and resolve to do better. Even if a situation wasn’t entirely your fault, take responsibility for what’s in your control and keep striving toward Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى}.

Life’s mistakes and setbacks are much like test questions. When you get a question wrong, review it to see how you can do better next time. As long as you’re alive, there will always be another test, and it’s okay if you don’t pass every one perfectly. What matters is that you recognize your errors as best you can and repent wholeheartedly.

You’re not being punished—you’re being corrected.

Strive to gain control of your emotions because if you don’t, you’ll keep avoiding and numbing your pain, running from yourself as shaytan urges you to run faster.

I'm Khalisa, and I’ve used tazkiyah to heal from both childhood and adult trauma. Masha Allah, I continue to apply these principles to navigate life’s challenges and draw closer to Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى}. Subscribe to learn how you can do the same.

As-salamu alaikum, until next time, in sha Allah.

— Khalisa

If you’re ready to apply the knowledge you’ve been learning so you can work through your trauma and negative habits and beliefs to develop an akhlaq that is pleasing to Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى}, get the Heart Recovery Workbook here.