Your Trauma is Blocking Your Connection to Allah.

Trauma, whether from childhood or adulthood, often leaves us with deep emotional scars that shape how we view and interact with the world—and with Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}. Most people don’t realize that their trauma is affecting their spirituality.

For many, trauma becomes a barrier between us and our Creator. These emotional and psychological scars create limiting beliefs, making it hard to trust, ask for help, or believe in our worthiness. Below are some common ways trauma may affect your connection to Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} and your tazkiyah journey.

Each point includes practical tips and exercises to help you overcome these barriers and nurture a stronger relationship with our Creator.

1. Fear of Vulnerability and Reliance on Others

If you've experienced neglect or had to grow up quickly by taking care of yourself at a young age, you may have learned to rely solely on yourself, believing that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Your experience with broken or empty promises may lead you to believe that depending on others—or even asking for help—would result in disappointment or rejection. You may be uncomfortable with uncertainty, constantly wanting to know the outcome, and feeling anxious when you don't. You trust in your own ability and not in others.

This mindset makes it hard to open your heart to Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}, where complete vulnerability is required. To get closer to Allah _ﷻ, you need to surrender control and fully rely on Him.

Allah _ﷻ says in Surah An-Nisa [4:28]: "Allah wants to lighten [the burden] for you; and mankind was created weak." This verse beautifully acknowledges the inherent limitations and weaknesses of humans, reminding us of our constant need for Allah’s guidance and mercy.

Exercise:

• Name a time or two when you let yourself down or were unreliable.

• This isn’t to break you down; it’s to remind you that there will always be someone more reliable, more consistent, and more trustworthy than you, and that is Allah سبحانه وتعالى.

2. You Doubt Your Worthiness

Trauma can lead to feelings of unworthiness. If you’ve experienced neglect, rejection, or abuse from loved ones, it’s easy to believe that you’re undeserving of love, mercy, forgiveness, or abundance—even from Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}. This feeling can prevent you from asking for what you need, or worse, lead you to believe that Allah _ﷻ won’t grant it to you because you aren’t "good enough."

However, Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} tells us in Surah Ghafir [40:60], "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." There is no mention of needing to be "worthy" or "perfect" to approach Allah _ﷻ. The promise is simple: if you ask, He will respond. Your worth is not diminished by your past. You are worthy of love, forgiveness, and mercy, and Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} is waiting for you to believe it.

Tip: Remember that you were intentionally created by THE Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} - embrace your worth as His creation. Also, challenge this mindset by learning the names of Allah _ﷻ that resonate with forgiveness and mercy. Then call on Him with those names when you make your duas.

3. Fear of Being a Burden

In relationships marked by neglect or abuse, you may have learned that repeatedly asking for help or asking too often means being a burden. You’ve been taught to keep your needs small and your requests minimal, fearing rejection or annoyance. This thinking can spill over into your relationship with Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}. You may feel guilty for being repetitive in your duas, worrying that you’re asking for more than you deserve or that your requests aren’t important enough.

It’s impossible to ask too much of Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}, and it’s impossible to ask too many times. We can never annoy Him, and we can never burden Him. When you stop asking Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}, you’ll start asking others.

Remember that Allah _ﷻ loves when we call upon Him. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah is angry with those who do not ask Him for anything.” He _ﷻ never tires of hearing your pleas, no matter how many times you ask. In fact, the more you ask, the closer you get to Him _ﷻ and the more you acknowledge His infinite power and mercy.

Tip: Push through this feeling by continuing to make dua often, no matter how small or big your requests. If you feel you’ve asked too many times, ask again.

4. Fear of Disappointment

You’re used to people not caring if they disappoint you. You’re accustomed to broken promises, which makes you hesitate when asking Allah _ﷻ for help, fearing that He might not answer when you need Him most.

Trauma teaches you to protect yourself from pain by lowering your expectations, even of Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}. This fear stops you from having true tawakkul, and this mentality may make you think your duas will go unanswered—not because you think Allah _ﷻ can't respond, but because you doubt that He will. But Allah _ﷻ says in Hadith Qudsi, “I am what My servant thinks of Me.” While people may let us down, Allah’s promises are always fulfilled. If you don’t think so, you’ll continue to reduce Allah’s _ﷻ Majesty in your heart.

Trusting in His wisdom means understanding that He knows what is best for us, even if His answer to our prayers is different from what we expect. Disappointment in life is inevitable, but with Allah _ﷻ, there is always hope and goodness.

Exercise:

• Pray for the impossible goal that you’ve been too afraid to ask for. Then break the goal down.

• On paper, make two columns: “Possible” and “Impossible.”

• Under the “Possible” column, write what actions and tasks of your impossible goal can be done by you. Under the “Impossible” column, write the parts of your impossible goal that only Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} can do.

• Then begin to do the work necessary—do what’s possible, and Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} will do the impossible.

5. You Fear Punishment

People who have been punished or mistreated for being open about their feelings often struggle to separate consequence from punishment. Trauma may lead you to believe that every hardship you face is a result of something you’ve done wrong—that you’re being punished here in this life.

This belief can create a sense of fear and dread. Trauma can lead you to believe you're constantly being judged or that Allah _ﷻ is angry with you, making it hard to trust in His mercy. You might even feel claustrophobic at the thought that Allah _ﷻ is always watching and aware of your mistakes. But no, you can’t escape His _ﷻ view, and trust me, you don’t want to. He’s always there because you always need Him _ﷻ.

Allah _ﷻ tells us in Surah Az-Zumar [39:53], "Say, 'O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'" Allah’s _ﷻ mercy is far greater than any mistake you've made. This ayah reminds us not to be overwhelmed by fear of punishment, but to trust in Allah’s _ﷻ infinite mercy.

Tip: Frequently remember the purpose of this life. As long as you’re blessed with breath, energy, and the functionality of your mind, then it’s not over. Repent and keep working for Jannah.

6. You’re Hyper-Vigilant

Living in environments where things were unpredictable or unsafe, and dealing with people who were inconsistent with their moods and behavior, led to your development of overthinking and attaching meaning to events and actions that may not be there. This hyper-vigilance fuels your need to control situations or outcomes by changing your identity to avoid further pain.

You extend this overthinking to your relationship with Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}, attempting to monitor His “moods” as if they are as unpredictable as the people you’ve encountered. You worry that any small mistake could change how Allah _ﷻ views you.

But Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} tells us in Surah Ta-Ha [20:82], "But indeed, I am the Perpetual Forgiver of whoever repents and believes and does righteousness and then continues in guidance." 

Allah _ﷻ is not volatile or moody. His mercy and forgiveness are constant, and you don’t need to overthink your relationship with Him. He _ﷻ is always ready to forgive and guide you back.

Tip: You don’t need to be hyper-vigilant anymore because it is He _ﷻ who is The All-Aware. He’s watching everything you can’t possibly see. He’s got your back. You don’t need to walk on eggshells with Him _ﷻ. He told us exactly what to do to obtain His love, and subhanallah, it’s simple!

7. You Feel Entitled to Allah’s Mercy Without Doing the Work

Trauma can sometimes cause a distorted sense of entitlement and arrogance, where you feel you’ve suffered enough and are automatically deserving of Allah’s mercy, guidance, or blessings without putting in the necessary spiritual and personal work. You may believe that simply because of the hardship you've endured, you’re exempt from making additional effort in your acts of worship, thinking Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} will compensate you regardless. You may even feel frustrated when you don’t get the outcome you want and try to bargain with Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} to get your way or bend Islam to fit your lifestyle instead of working to improve yourself.

Tip: While Allah’s _ﷻ mercy is vast, our relationship with Him _ﷻ is based on sincerity, effort, and obedience. It's essential to seek His mercy through sincere efforts—through prayer, seeking forgiveness, and striving to improve continually. Know that hardship doesn’t excuse spiritual neglect; instead, use your trials as motivation to draw closer to Him _ﷻ.

8. You Struggle with Authority

If you’ve dealt with manipulation or excessive control and mistrust by figures of authority, you may have an ingrained resistance to being told what to do. This resistance may manifest as a struggle with fully submitting to Allah سبحانه وتعالى. You might find it difficult to embrace His commands, not because you don’t believe, but because submission feels like giving up your autonomy. Trauma teaches you to question authority, and this carries over into your spiritual life, where you may feel an inner conflict between obedience and independence.

However, Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} reminds us in Surah Al-Baqarah [2:208], "O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy." 

Full submission to Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} does not diminish your individuality; it actually brings you closer to fulfilling your true purpose. True submission to Allah ‎_{سبحانه وتعالى} is an act of freedom, as it releases you from the burdens of worldly concerns and brings you closer to His care and protection.

Exercise:

• Which commands are you struggling to submit to?

• Where do you believe this resistance is coming from?

• Learn the wisdom behind the command to better understand why it’s been made obligatory.

• Create an action plan that leads you to submitting to it fully.

Tip: Whenever you don’t understand something about this deen, seek the answers and keep learning until you’re confident enough to explain it to someone else.

9. Victim Mentality

You’ve been through a lot, and it’s easy to blame external factors for your struggles—whether it’s shaytan, the evil eye, witchcraft, jealousy, or even Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}. Astaghfirullah. When you fall into a victim mentality, it becomes easier to make excuses for poor behavior, see the worst in others, and engage in acts or speech of ingratitude. You may struggle with husn al-dhan (having a good opinion of others), assuming the world is against you.

In Surah Ash-Shu'ara [26:88-89], Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} reminds us that on the Day of Judgment, "The Day when there will not benefit [anyone] wealth or children, but only one who comes to Allah with a sound heart." This ayah emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for our actions and striving to purify our hearts, rather than shifting blame onto others or external forces.

In Islam, taking responsibility for your actions is key to spiritual growth. Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} says, “And whatever strikes you of disaster, it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much” (42:30). While it’s important to acknowledge the role of external challenges, we must also focus on self-accountability and seek to improve our character, trusting in Allah’s _ﷻ wisdom and mercy.

Exercise:

• Answer this: In whose story might you be the villain?

In many superhero stories, villains often began as victims of someone else. Similarly, we must recognize when our own actions or words have caused harm, making us the transgressors instead of the transgressed.

Trauma may leave its mark on your heart, but it does not have to define your relationship with Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}. Through vulnerability, trust, and reliance on Him, you can begin the process of healing and spiritual purification, drawing closer to the One who is always near, always forgiving, and always merciful.

Trauma teaches us many survival mechanisms, and unfortunately, these are not the only examples of trauma blocks that could be blocking your path to Allah _ﷻ. But by recognizing these limiting beliefs and the ways they manifest in your relationship with Him, you can begin to dismantle them.

Seek out vulnerability in prayer, trust in Allah’s _ﷻ mercy, and don’t be afraid to ask. Healing from trauma is a journey, and so is strengthening your connection to your Creator. Both take time, patience, and faith, but with effort, you can overcome these barriers and rediscover the closeness you long for with Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى}.

Your heart is capable of healing, and your connection with Allah _{سبحانه وتعالى} can surely flourish. The Heart Recovery Workbook offers step-by-step exercises and Quranic inspiration to help you on your journey toward spiritual clarity.

As-salamu alaikum, until next time, in sha Allah.

— Khalisa